blue

there are two kinds of bloggers, broadly speaking. those that write to express opinion, entertain and be witty/ caustic/ intellectual. and those who think of their blog when life seems... unbalanced. i'm, of course, the latter.

this living, this living, this living

was not the plan. there is too much money around me, and not enough. everyday, twice a day, i'm reminded that it can all be taken away. there is a wall around my conscience, very little makes a difference. even through this, life, as it is happening to others, breaks me sometimes.
people are marrying and dealing with adversity. others are losing the path of their lives and will need to rebuild it at 50. as i write this post, laughter crashes against the walls of my room. i know that it will not always be easy, like it is tonight, for the people around me. i dont know how many of us have the strength to take it as it comes.
and everyone i know wants an out. or the option for it.

freedom's just another word/ for nothing left to lose...

we have all chosen to leave the permanance and stability of blood ties and relationships to build new ones based on flimsy, occassionally fanciful premises of friendship and affection. i want to believe that there is love, too. the attitudes i grew up with are not right anymore. pretentiousness is necessary. i need to learn to make myself one cup of coffee and not wait for everyone else in the house to want one. or wait for coffee time.

people are strange/ when youre a stranger/ faces seem ugly/ when youre alone

i need to know that for a while now, there will be no mornings of washing the house front, rangoli and the smell of wet earth, jasmine and fresh coffee. the everyday romance of it all may be impossible to achieve again. this is an idea ive held on to for ages now. a memory of waking up to this.