the one without a country in crowded restaurants
he who wanted to go far away, always farther away
didnt know what to do there, whether he wanted
or didnt want to leave or remain on the island,
the hesitant one, the hybrid, entangled in himself,
had no place here..
- Neruda
theres too much of everything here. lately, to me, each place feels the same and i dont want to be there. i am too close to the same edges and ive been here too many times; the familiarity sickens me. the people around me are creeping into my person and that this can happen is scary. the smoke is in my skin now; the faces around me are the matte, numb colour of wanting to stay and more than anything else i have to get out of here and feel new again. i want to leave.
there is no pain, you are receding
a friend leans across the table and whispers in my ear that he can "hear the wheels in my head turning and screeching" and i laugh exactly like a person does when she doesnt want to. the music quickens and some part of me moves out of habit to its beat. i want to leave.
i want to leave.
4 comments:
leave and go where? the next place would become familiar too and the next and the next.. "new" is not forever. "new" is temporary.
and that is why life is a vicious circle. wouldnt you agree?
Take a break.
Beaches sometimes help.
:)
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